Assuming Positive Intent

There is this very special thing that happens once we’ve been in a relationship for a certain period of time: we assume we often know what our partner is thinking. While this might be an overall positive aspect of a relationship in many ways, it’s likely that this can also lead to conflict as sometimes we actually don’t know what our partner is thinking. Other issues that can arise include when our own past experiences cloud the present moment and we find ourselves assuming a similar motive from our partner to what we went through previously.

When we utilize the exercise of assuming that our partner has positive intentions, it provides a space for our partner to explain themselves before we’ve made up our mind about what they are telling us. This can help reduce defensiveness, promote effective communication, and encourage vulnerability from both partners. Assuming positive intent is also a technique used when building or rebuilding trust.

This is not an easy practice to adopt. It takes willingness, vulnerability, and a desire to make change. If you and your partner struggle with issues around defensiveness and trust, utilizing this exercise can be helpful in changing the way we communicate with and relate to one another.